Thursday, August 18, 2011

Top 25 Things that annoy the fuck out of us in a Jasper/Bella fic! By @frthelongestday & @JaspersIzzy

Top 25 Things that annoy the fuck out of us in a Jasper/Bella fic!
By forthelongestday and JaspersIzzy

Not because stories that use these elements are bad, but that they are so overdone that it’s getting old. Don’t take offense to this, because honestly, we've done most of this shit ourselves, but that being said, we can be more creative than this. And we don't need to bitch when it's not there.

1. He's always called the Major, because he's so badass. (He's not cool enough for General though)
2. He always has to be badass and can never be insecure about himself.
3. Peter and Charlotte always have to be in the story as his trusty, worshipping sidekicks.
4. Bella is always Jasper's mate and they know it only when Edward and Alice are out of the picture.
5. That he’s insecure about his scars.
6. He’s always possessive, and won't let anyone near Bella or he'll “go all Major on their asses”.
7. He always drives a truck or a motorcycle. He's too cool for a car or a heaven forbid a minivan.
8. He has to have a southern accent that is meticulously written out.
9. That he never loved Alice at all, even though she saved his ass.
10. He’s always called the God of War.
11. That Bella’s blood doesn’t call to him after they fuck.
12. Peter has to be his best friend, who bows down to him like he's... (gasp) the God of War.
13. Alice has to be evil, unless Edward is. Well shit, they usually are both evil together.
14. Even though he's all the above, he still puts together a date so romantic that Bella gives up her v-card.
15. Hobbies include: Riding horses and playing guitar.
16. He always knows what he's doing, and he's always right. Duh, because Jasper is badass, smart, sexy, wise, and apparently psychic.
17. The Major takes his Mate. Immediately. Dominantly. Kinkily. And she likes it.
18. Bella is always immediately in love with him, even though they don't know each other.
19. Carlisle will always give up his place as head of the family, because Jasper is so bad ass, no one can rule over him.
20. He always calls Bella Darlin'.
21. Peter always knows shit, and he always has to be a funny, snarky asshole. Dude, can never just… be.
22. Bella suddenly came down with the Vixen Syndrome and becomes a tigeress in bed, even as a virgin. And she always, always comes.
23. Jasper always wears cowboy boots.
24. Bella and Peter become instant BFF’s, like they grew up in the same sand box.
25. Jasper’s dicks is bigger than the space needle, but it always seems to fit.

Seriously, this is just for fun. Don’t be offended by any of this. If you can’t laugh about it, you are taking it too seriously. It’s just fan fiction.

2 comments:

  1. I made it to 25 before I spat my coffee and laughed my ass off. The space needle - I'm so going to use that when I get back to writing!

    I agree with both of you, but I'm pretty sure I'm guilty of at least 2 of these... :)

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  2. I was just ranting to myself this morning about all these things and more. I love me some Bella and Jasper, but damn, these things are just out of control! Maybe one of these days I'll get off my behind and write something that I'd want to read instead of just hanging out in the shadows. I'll go contemplate that right now...

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